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Parenting Bright Kids™
GUIDED GROUP DISCUSSION TOPICS: THE SENG MODEL
WEEK I - Characteristics
- Characteristics of gifted children can be quite diverse
- Terms "gifted," "talented," "high potential"
- Intelligence is not the same thing as achievement
- Styles of learning ("right brain/left brain")
- Different methods of measuring potential, intelligence and achievement
- School screening and identification plans (they may overlook some children)
- What I. Q. tests do (and do not) tell (multiple intelligences)
- Obtaining assessment (including a second opinion)
WEEK II - Motivation
- Start where the child is; transfer motivations
- Successive successes; anticipatory praise
- Recognize the child's needs; goal-setting
- Encouragement, not criticism (avoid sarcasm/ridicule )
- Importance of personal relationships
- Special time/special place
- Frequency of praise is more important than amount or duration
WEEK III - Discipline
- Discipline and limits are needed for all children
- We set limits because we care
- Discipline is different than punishment
- Avoid "no-win" struggles, nagging, "referential" speaking
- Encourage choices to develop self -esteem
- Ensure that choices are within limits
- Seek self -discipline
- Catch the child doing something right in self -discipline
- Frequency of consequences is more important than severity
- Use natural consequences where possible
- Limits that are set must be enforceable
- Avoid harsh, inconsistent punishment
WEEK IV - Stress Management
- Some stress ( challenge) is desirable; learn to manage it
- What causes stress is self -talk
- Blame and irrational beliefs leave us helpless
- Importance of balancing self -talk; "bookkeeping error"
- Perfectionism (idealism to an excess )
- Importance of parents modeling positive self -talk
- Don't teach stress management skills during crisis times
- Immediate calming techniques (HALT); teaching meditation
- U sing humor to induce perspective
- Socratic method of teaching (e.g., "How awful is it?")
- How we manage our own self –talk
WEEK V - Depression
- Re-label depression as anger; inward or frustrated anger
- Depression as self -blame ("hair shirt"); negative self -talk
- Cannot argue people out of depression
- Avoid "Pollyanna cheerleader" or belittling of their feelings
- Existential depression; meaning in life
- Importance of relationships and of physical touch
- Evaluating seriousness; considering suicide
- When and how to refer; getting professional help
WEEK VI - Communication of Feelings
- Communication cannot be forced; create the climate
- Active listening is communicating
- Accept the feelings (though not necessarily the behavior)
- Avoid "killer statements"
- Modeling a relationship; "I" statements ("When you...I...")
- Barriers to communication (fast pace of life, television, newspapers, computers, etc.)
- Self -disclosure begets self -disclosure
- Special times and special places enhance communication
- Emotional temperature readings
WEEK VIl - Peer Relations
- Who are peers? Peers in what area?
- Several different peer groups are often needed
- Many friends or few? How many real friends do we have as adults?
- Special friendships are often intense
- Bright children have high expectations; may lack tolerance for others
- Leadership or bossiness? Teaching leadership skills
- Use role-playing to enhance understanding
- Time alone versus time with others; eminence requires time alone
- Is time alone by choice or due to lack of skills ?
- Peer pressure at different ages (including peer pressure on adults)
- Self -directedness and self -confidence help one withstand peer pressure
WEEK VIII - Sibling Rivalry
- Kids rival for something, usually attention
- Importance of birth order ( oldest, youngest, middle) roles
- Children adopt characteristic roles, seldom compete
- Important to help children expand their roles and to promote role overlap
- "Either/or" concepts of giftedness; "if he is, I'm not;" negative comparisons
- Competition/rivaling versus sibling synergy
- Parents remove themselves from squabbles
- Take the "sail out of the wind"
WEEK IX - Tradition Breaking
- Bright, creative children question traditions, rituals, rules
- Creativity always implies being non-traditional
- Breaking traditions always has a price tag
- Kohlberg's stages of moral development; more advanced is less traditional
- Traditions have a value (but can be overly binding)
- Traditions promote belongingness and predictable behaviors; tap root
- Family traditions; sense of sanctuary
- Importance of creating our own traditions starting now
- What we model for our children in tradition breaking
WEEK X - Parent Relations
- Stresses of parenting; setting parental priorities
- Reacting to the urgent rather than the important
- Special time for parents; recharging your own batteries
- Dual parent, single parent, step-parent issues; difficulties in blending families
- Importance of having house rules
- Need for communication and consistency (family huddle)
- Super-parent versus reality
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